The Questions I Want to Hear on Media Day

Media Day at the Super Bowl is always a ridiculously silly guilty pleasure, with a multitude of irrelevant questions with little to do about football. Today in Miami, players from the Colts and Saints will gamely step to the podium to answer queries like, "What's your favorite food?". Sometimes, as Tom Brady can attest, players often field wedding proposals. Keeping with the theme of media day inanity, here are some questions and comments that I hope to hear today in South Beach:

"Hey Peyton, will you be able to play in the Super Bowl, or will you be too busy filming another commercial for Sprint?"

"Hey Reggie Bush, what's it like dating a Kardashian?"

"Hey Dallas Clark, I think you might be a little confused. Don't you belong on the Cowboys?"

"Hey Dwight Freeney, will your ankle injury prevent you from pursuing a guest spot on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

"Hey Jeremy Shockey, do you and Denver Nuggets guard J.R. Smith ever get together and chat about your tattoos?"

"Coach Payton, Coach Caldwell, what is more important to you: A Super Bowl championship, or appearing in one of those hilarious Bud Light commercials?"

"Hey Drew Brees, do you ever get mistaken for Drew Wind?"

"Hey Pierre Garcon, with such a lovely French name, have you ever considered showing up on game day smoking a cigarette while wearing a beret?"

"This next question is for all the players. Do you plan on hitting the Miami party scene this week, or are you afraid that Plaxico Burress may be roaming the clubs?"

You get the drift. And by Media Day standards, these are considered hard-hitting sports questions of great journalistic integrity.