Super Bowl Media Day: The Questions I Wanted to Hear

Media Day at the Super Bowl is one of the most wildly entertaining days of the year, an incessantly frivolous affair that often features bizarre non-sequiters instead of serious questions. As we anticipate Super Bowl XLV between the Packers and Steelers, allow me to present a list of hard-hitting journalistic questions that I would have asked had I been in Arlington:



---"Mr. Polamalu, is it true that the movie "127 Hours" is a documentary about the length of time it takes to prepare your hair?"



---"Mr. Roethlisberger, what type of irresponsible, scandalous behavior do you have planned for this offseason?"



---"Be honest, Aaron Rodgers, on a scale of one to ten, how much do you hate Brett Favre?"



---"Hines Ward, you are a tremendous receiver, but why do you always look like you are about to cry when the cameras show you on the sideline?"

---"Coach McCarthy, how is your relationship with your daughter Jenny?"

---"Will it be tough focusing on the big game when there are so many hilarious commercials?"

---"Hey, Jerry Jones, will you consider adding another humongous jumbotron at Cowboys Stadium for the game on Sunday? After all, it is the Super Bowl."

---"The Packers players are here, but where the hell is Vince Lombardi?"

---"Seriously Mr. Polamalu, who would win a battle between your hair and Donald Trump's hair?"

---"Coaches Tomlin and McCarthy, have you considered filming videos of your wives' feet, a la Rex Ryan?"

---"Could any of you players beat Ed Hochuli in an arm-wrestling match?"