Here's what I wanted to hear on Media Day

Media Day at the Super Bowl is always a ridiculously silly guilty pleasure, with a multitude of irrelevant questions with little to do about football. Yesterday in Tampa, players from the Steelers and Cardinals gamely stepped to the podium to answer queries like, "What is your favorite food?" Sometimes, as Tom Brady can attest, players often field wedding proposals. Keeping with the theme of Media Day inanity, here are some questions and comments that I expected to hear yesterday at Raymond James Stadium:

"This next question is for Troy Polamalu's hair."

"Big Ben, Big Ben, what were your parents thinking when they decided to name you Big?"

"Mr. Fitzgerald, since you are a receiver who can jump sky high to make a catch, will you ever consider a second career as a kite?"

"Coach Whisenhunt, would you beat Coach Tomlin in a staring contest while on stilts?"

"Okay, folks, it's time for another round of Kurt Warner so old jokes."

"This next question is for the refs. I hear that you're idol is Tim Donaghy. Is this true?"

"Hey, everybody, it's Pacman Jones speaking. Anybody want to hit the strip club?"

"Edgerrin James and Willie Parker, you are two really fast dudes. How do I know that you're not just Usain Bolt in disguise?

"Ummm, Mr. Rosenhaus? Nobody is talking to you, so why do you keep saying 'Next question'?"

"I am sorry Mr. Madden, nobody can understand what the heck you're talking about. I think you were saying something about Brett Favre and chicken wings."

"I hear Bruce Springsteen is going to be playing at halftime. Any idea what team he'll play for?"

"Santonio Holmes??? Since when did San Antonio have a one-man NFL team, and why is he playing for the Steelers?"

You get the drift. And by Media Day standards, these are considered hard-hitting sports questions of great journalistic integrity.