The ESPY Awards are always fun, but I have some awards of my own I'd like to hand out.
The "Athlete who talks trash even when he underperforms" award goes to..............Damon Jones
The "Oh My, you'll put an eye out with your golf swing!" award goes to.........Charles Barkley
The "You'll never make soccer relevant in this country" award goes to............David Beckham
The "Stop Breaking Chairs!" award goes to...............Bobby Knight
The "Golfer whose clothes speak louder than his game" award goes to.........Ian Poulter
The "Please don't throw a tantrum" award goes to..............................Milton Bradley
The "Wash your mouth out with soap" award goes to...........................Ozzie Guillen
The "We know you are going to choke that 3-stroke lead away" award goes to..............Phil Mickelson
The "Most stagnant fan base" award goes to................................The Florida Marlins
The "I'm retiring, No, I want to play again, No, I'm retiring, but I want to come back" award goes to..........Goes without saying, doesn't it?
The "What did we do wrong to lose our team award?" goes to..................................Seattle Sonics fans
The "Most criminally overlooked conference" award goes to........................The Pac-10
The "What the hell is he talking about?" award goes to.....................John Madden
The "Athlete whose two favorite songs are "Like a Virgin" and "Material Girl" award goes to.............Goes without saying, doesn't it?
The "Most camera-friendly coach" award goes to...................Bill Bellichick
The "Cleveland is okay, but New York is awesome!!!!!!" award goes to...........LeBron James
The "My hair never moves" award goes to.............Pat Riley
The "That was a fun way to rush my way through a sports column" award goes to..........Yours Truly
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